Two computer science students met on campus one day. The first student called out to the other, "Hey, nice bike! Where did you get it?"

"Well," replied the other, "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young co-ed rode up on this bike. She jumped off, took off all of her clothes, and said, "You can have ANYTHING you want!"

"Good choice," said the first. "Her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Why waste thousands with millionaires? Just pay hundreds to get a piece of a billionaire.

5 stars.

It's time of the year where I get to become shallow and show you who's the next big thing who deserves my unquestionable devotion. And my new god is...is a column where I discuss who I think is or will be the next big thing. Be it a new scandal, breaking new records or even just looking cool, I will present all my supporting evidence so you can aspire to be like them.

I have decided that my new god is...

The Man in the Mirror: Michael Jackson

The news of the death of MJ has just topped twitter charts and facebook page visits. People are flooding twitter and facebook walls telling everyone how the King of Pop has changed their lives with his music. Funny, coz when he was alive, they hardly mentioned his music.

Anyway, I'm here to join in the fun. Jacko has never in anyway changed or influenced my life, but he did it for more than half of the pop music artists alive in the world today. His influence to the pop music world is like what Michael Jordan is to the basketball world. This is the man who did not just set records but inspired many other talented artists to go into the industry.

Michael Jackson began his career as a child at the age of 11 with 4 of his brothers as part of the group The Jackson 5. He then went solo and produced some of the top selling pop albums in history like "Thriller", "Bad" and "Dangerous". "Thriller" has sold over 100 Million copies world wide and will reach a new record now that everyone knows of his death.

To date, MJ has sold over 750 Million copies of albums and singles all around the world, and will continue to sell more after his death. I honestly think that it will reach a billion by next week and make him the undisputed King of Pop.

To understand how influential Michael Jackson was, you have to look at the younger generation of artists today. Today's biggest stars like Justin Timberlake, Beyonce Knowles, Usher, Kanye West, Chris Brown, have, in one way or another, been influenced by MJ in their music careers. Some of them went into music because of him, some of them used his dance moves and some have performed with him.

If we combine all their record sales, we could buy up the entire Russia. The thing is, we would not have many of the hit songs today for your leisure listening or dance routine if it weren't for MJ. The music industry might not even be so big today and the mp3 format might not even be invented if MJ didn't start the ball rolling.

He had always influenced the music industry in a provocative and unique way. For example, he invented the "crotch grabbing" dance move in his music video of Bad. Another legacy he left behind is wearing white socks with black shoes, which you will recall of the joke: "The only person who is allowed to wear black shoes with white socks is Michael Jackson"

Mike was also a controversial character who created many headlines with his weird habits.  One of them is his cosmetic surgery. Claiming that he had poor self-esteem since young, he had done so many cosmetic surgeries that his nose was said to fell off during a concert. Over the years he had changed from a black to a white man, although he defended himself that he never bleached his skin and turned white because of a skin disease.

Another one of his weird habits was the way he treated his children in front of public eyes. In 2002, he carried his newborn son Michael the second aka. Blanket over the balcony railings while the media and fans were taking pictures outside a hotel room in Berlin. He also made his children wear veils when they went out in public. 

Back in 1993, he was charged with child molestation of a young boy who spent nights over at his fortress ranch with amusement rides and exotic animals. This drastically tarnished his humanitarian efforts and made the public questioned his motives as his charity mainly surrounded children.

Perhaps it was because MJ had a traumatized childhood when he was often punished harshly by his father for not performing up to standard that throughout his adult life he was closely connected to children. He named his $100-million-fortress ranch Neverland, where children never grow old, because he didn't have an enjoyable childhood.

Anyway, that was pretty much what we cared about MJ a few years back. People made jokes of his alleged child molestation case; even Eminem wrote a song for that. Back then, it was so funny. Now, I bet no one will ever mention MJ in that light again.

That's usually what happens. When you're alive and famous, people will make fun of your ugly deeds and say things about you. When you're finally dead, you suddenly become the nicest and greatest human being on the planet and everyone will now remember your good deeds finally. 

With all that being said, I've listened to his music, not that much, back in the 90s. i think it's great and they must have called him the King of Pop for a reason. He's certainly not the greatest and nicest human being, but he was a legend. If you have been inspired by his music to have done something, feel free to share your views.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason why he is my new god.

Enjoy!!!

Have you heard of this thing called the Uroclub? It's simply a hollow golf club that allows you to piss in it while you're at your 15th hole with the nearest toilet 3 miles away.

It's kinda made for middle-aged men who love to play golf and has bladder control problems. For $24.95, I think it's a really great gift for your father or uncle who loves to play golf.

The next time, when you're at the golf course, if you see someone holding the club for more than 10 secs without swinging, you know that he's using the Uroclub.

Today I'm going to share some observations, as usual, in our Singapore MRTs.

Now we have Phua Chu Kang and his wife owning the priority seat ad placements.

Nice effort there. The priority seat one is no longer needed, because now everyone is giving up their seat to everyone. As for the "Let me come out first!" It's only seen along the NE line. Did you see any on the EW line? If you do, place a comment.

Anyway, I feel that we have improved alot for the past 1 year in our public transport courtesy. Even a chaotah-hair contractor knows how to give up his seat for those who need it. No, I'm not being sarcastic, but I really feel that we did very well as a nation. Even though I still don't get to walk at 100mph and still get touched by men and women of foreign origin on trains, please, give yourself a round of applause.

I hope PCK will come out of the train and push everyone who walks at 10mph to the left side, or even ask everyone to keep still there inside the train. But I think that by the time we see that, I would be getting a car and this morning rush column will appear in a completely new set of crap.

Until then, this are just my observation of the Morning Rush and it really, really makes my journey worthwhile everyday.

Grandma was nearly ninety years of age when she won 1,000,000 pounds on the football pools. Her family were extremely worried about her heart and feared that news of her large win would come as too much of a shock for her.

'Think we had better call in the doctor to tell her the news,' suggested the eldest son.

The doctor soon arrived and the situation was explained to him.

'Now, you don't have to worry about anything,' said the doctor. 'I am fully trained in such delicate matters and I feel sure I can break this news to her gently. I assure you, there is absolutely no need for you to fear for her health. Everything will be quite safe if left to me.'

The doctor went in to see the old lady and gradually brought the conversation around to football pools.

'Tell me,' said the doctor, 'what would you do if you had a large win on the pools - say one million pounds?'

'Why,' replied the old lady, 'I'd give half of it to you, of course.'

The doctor fell down dead with shock.

Some guy in US picked up a few road barriers and pice them up into this monster statue, and the police are now all over his ass.

I don't know about you but I think it's a great piece of art and they should put it in the museum or something.

At first I thought that masterpiece was part of the road.

I wonder if we can also make out something like that with our own red and white road barriers.

I hope to see something like that on our Singapore road but I think the police would have gotten your ass before you get to the torso.

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