I think I should change the name of this column to TGIF...

We should try this one day with the china girls next door.

Do you trust your government? Yup, I trust them to 1) raise GST every year, 2) raise public transport fares every year 3) raise CPF minimum sum every year, 4) do all that and still be elected every year. Yes we can.

Airshow highlights.

Flash games inspired by 10 years of celebrities scandals. My personal favourite? Kanye vs.Taylor.

Least important but most interesting: Poly girl flashes to find sugar daddy. Have a nice weekend squeezing your way thru buses and trains!

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."

The farmer scratched his grizzled head.

"Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did everyday. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"

Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno, Abe. But let's make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you -- and if you die first, you come back and tell me -- if there is baseball in heaven."

They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...."

Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"

"Yes it is Sol," whispers the spirit of Abe.

Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"

"Well," says Abe says, "I got good news and I got bad news."

"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.

Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."

Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"

Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

A golf pro dragged himself into the clubhouse looking as though he'd just escaped a tornado.

"What's wrong?" a woman asked.

"I just lost a game to Houlihan," the pro said.

"What? But Houlihan's the worst player I've ever seen. How could he have beaten you?"

"He tricked me," the pro said. "On the first tee, he asked for a handicap. I told him he could have 30, 40, 50 strokes- any handicap he wanted.

He said, 'Just give me two gotchas."

"What's a gotcha?" asked the woman. "That's what I wanted to know," the pro said. "Houlihan said, 'You'll see.' Then, as I was teeing off, just as I had my club poised, he screamed out 'Gotcha!'"

"I can guess what happened," the woman said.

"Sure," the pro said. "The scream threw me off, and I missed the ball completely."

"Understandable," the woman said. "But still, that's only one swing. How did he win the game?"

The pro answered, "You try swinging at a golf ball all day while waiting for that second 'gotcha!'"

One of the best solos of all time.

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains.

However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, then lock it back up. Afterwards, he would go about his daily
duties. For years this went on, and his crew became very curious.

Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.

One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains quarters.

He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and...

The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper; two lines with two words each:

Port Left
Starboard Right

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways. 

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!" The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune" 

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."

A woman was walking along the beach and she found a bottle. She started rubbing it and a genie appears.

"I will grant you 3 wishes. But the condition is, whatever you ask for, your husband back home will receive 10 times more."

So she was very excited and without hesitation, she makes her 1st wish.

"I want to be the richest woman in the whole world."

"You wish is granted", says the genie. Immediately she becomes the richest woman in the world and her husband became 10 times as rich. So she went on to make her 2nd wish.

"I want to be the most beautiful woman in the whole world."

"You wish is granted", says the genie. Immediately she becomes the
most beautiful woman in the world and her husband became 10 times as handsome. So
she went on to make her 3rd wish.

"I want to have a mild heart attack."

"You wish is granted", says the genie. Immediately she starts to feel a slight chest pain and giddyness. But the whole thing went through in about 5 minutes and she recovered quickly.

Knowing that her husband has already been 10 times richer and suffered a massive heart attack, she rushes home in a private jet, ready to inherit all the money her husband will leave behind.

To her surprise, she went home and found her husband still alive and healthy.

"Honey, you won't believe this! I suddenly have so much money and turned more good-looking."

She asked "What about your body? Anything unusual happened to your body?"

Her husband thought for a while and said "Oh, I remembered. A few moments ago, I felt an itch in my heart, but what has it got to do with all this?"

It was then she realized that her husband had a heart attack 10 times milder than hers.